Unbearable

"Come on, Luce! You have to come with us!" Natsu said, shaking the job request paper. Happy flew around in excitement.
"Oh… I don't know, I'm feeling pretty tired from our last mission." That was a really hard mission, and with the thing being able to use Fire Magic, Natsu actually wasn't much help. I had to rely on Aquarius, and we all now how well that goes. The whole thing was exhausting.
"Are you sure? It pays 350,000 jewl…" Natsu said, his expression going down a little.
"Yeah, It's fine. I'll go the next time, promise." I gave him high five for luck and smiled.
"Alright then! Lets go, Happy!"
"Aye, Sir!"
I watched the two head for the exit when the door opened in front of them. It was Lisanna. I titled my ears slightly to hear their conversation.
"Hey Natsu! Happy! Where are you guys heading off to?" She smiled up at Natsu. He returned one.
"On a job! We're leaving now," Natsu explained.
"Aye! Lucy didn't want to come with us though," Happy said, with a hint of sadness.
"Yeah…" Natsu trailed off. "Hey!" He roared. "Do you want to come?"
I practically spun around. Lisanna beamed with happiness. "Yes! I'd love too, Natsu!" She grabbed his hand and the trio ran out of the guild.
A pang of jealousy hit me like a bowling ball. I put my hands together and stared at the ground. Oh, how I wish I had taken Natsu up on his offer. But now, he's off with Lisanna, laughing with her and probably sharing a hotel with her, if the journey was far enough.
I sat down at a wooden table facing the door and traced my Fairy Tail symbol lightly with my finger. The pink contrasted perfectly with my pale skin. And matched perfectly with Natsu's pink hair. After all, that was why I chose the color.
"Um, Lucy?" A voice snapped me out of space and I looked up. Levy was looking down at me with concern. Her hands were held up over her chest in her normal defensive position.
"Oh, hey Levy," I mumbled, and looked back at the pink.
"Lucy, are you alright?" Levy took the seat in front of me, blocking the door from view.
"Yeah, I'm fine!" I put on a smile that had a hint of confusion. "Why do you ask?"
"Lucy, please do not make me out to be some kind of blind idiot. I think you and I both know there is something wrong. Now tell me." Levy's words made Lucy jerk back a bit. She never heard Levy so forceful. Lucy sighed.
"Natsu went on a mission." Levy cocked her head to the side in puzzlement.
"Well, he needs to make money, Luce-"
"With Lisanna."
There was a small moment of silence. "Oh, I understand now."
I could feel the lump in my throat that starting to form, but attempted to  fight it. "He asked me to go. And as soon as he walked to the door, Lisanna came and he asked her."
Levy reached across the table and touched my hand, now covering the pink reminder. "Lucy, I've told you this before. Tell Natsu how you feel. If you don't, he'll think you don't look at him as anything more then another member of the guild, and will give up on you. I know he feels the same, and despite what it seems, I don't think he has any romantic feelings for Lisanna."
"Levy, I can't…" I could feel herself losing control of the lump in my throat.
"Yes you can! Do you want Lisanna and Natsu to get together? Or not even Lisanna, but some random girl? Because that's probably what will happen if you don't put your feelings out there. He loves you, Lucy. I know it and you know it, deep down."
I thought about it for a moment. I thought about all the times Natsu made me laugh and smile. All the times Natsu has saved me from harm. Every embrace he has given me, since the very first time we met. I cant fight my feelings for Natsu any longer.
I threw my hand down on the table and made Levy jump. "You're right! I need to make the move now." I ran out the guild, leaving Levy sitting in stunned silence.
Okay, I thought. Where did Natsu go? Looking around gave no help. I walked up to a man and his daughter walking along the sidewalk.
"Hello, sir. I'm sorry to bother you, but have you seen a guy with pink hair and a flying blue cat?"
He smiled. "Oh yes! They went that way-" he pointed north heading right out of the city, "with a girl with white hair."
"Yeah, thats the one, thank you sir!"
"Daddy, the white haired girl was really pretty, huh?" I didn't comment back. I walked away with a hurried pace. The little girl was right though. Lisanna is breathtakingly gorgeous. I really do envy her body and her undeniable confidence. How could Natsu not fall for her?
My walking turned to a run soon enough, until I was just leaving Mongolia. I looked around for a sign of the three, but no luck. I took a deep breath and did my best not to make a sound. I could hew birds and the natural rustling of nature. And.. voices? They were faint, but I think I could hear someone further up ahead. A smile creeped on my face and I thought about what I actually was about to do.
Finally, after all this time, I was going to tell Natsu exactly how I feel about him. Tell him how he makes me feel when he looks down at me, how I love his big ego, because after all that he's done, he really has earned it. I was going to tell him how his face is the only one I see in my dreams, and how I love how he values his friends and just innocent people in general. He is the one person that I owe everything in my world to.
I think I could see them, about a hundred yards away. Lisanna danced around in a circle with Happy, and I could hear Natsu laugh at how silly they both looked. I stopped running, and was I awe over how graceful Lisanna made everything look. She gave Natsu a look and took both of his hands and made him dance in a circle with her. My smile of excitement faded and I was filled with an uncomfortable, nauseous emotion.
"Natsu, isn't this great," Lisanna laughed, leaning back a little in the circle as they continued to spin.
Natsu, being one not to keen for dancing, attempted to slow down the spinning. This just made Happy and Lisanna laugh even more. She stopped spinning, but still clung to his hands. "Oh, Natsu! I've missed you so much while I was away."
"Yeah," he said in a breath. "It was so unreal, everyone was devastated."
That's true. Ever since I joined Fairy Tail, I could see that they were excited that I was a new face to the guild. Because they still, even after all that time, didn't feel exactly complete with out Lisanna. Is.. Is that how Natsu looked at me? As some kind of cheap replacement for his love lost? What does that make me now? Just the temporary girl, until he found Lisanna again?
 No. What Natsu and I have is real. And its wonderful. It's something he and Lisanna would never have. I couldn't bare it.
I started walking again, but stopped at Lisanna's voice. "I missed everyone so much. Sure, I had the Edolas versions, but they weren't the same." She looked down at their hands. "I missed you the most, though, Natsu." I clung to her every words. "Everything reminded me of you. From the fire in the fire places and the beautiful forests that we used to walk through when we were just kids. Remember that?" She gave a little laugh. "I guess, what I'm really trying to say, here, is that… well I think I might be in love with you."
No, I lost my chance. This is it, Lisanna has beat me to it. Any moment now, Natsu will confess his love for her as well. I have to tell him now!
I pushed my feet to a run, but then the universe held me back as Lisanna leaned up and kissed him. It wasn't like a peck, but one filled with passion and love and especially lust. I felt like my heart was literally going to cave into my chest. There was no hope for my survival. Tears welded up in my eyes and I accidentally let out a cry that alerted both Natsu and Lisanna of my presence.
"Lucy? What are you doing-" I ran away from Natsu's words, I ran away from everything. I could hear his yelling behind me, but I didn't care, it just increased my speed. I was too late, and it was no one's fault but mine.
I found an area of the forest that I was sure no one would find me, for I didn't even quite know where I was myself, and sat down at the base of a tree and cried. I couldn't stop playing the scene over and over in my head. Everything inside of me seemed to be broken. I was suffocating in between cries and my face was flooded with tears.
He is never going to be mine.
I try to imagine what it will be like at the guild now. Turning around to see Lisanna on Natsu's lap, with his arms around her waist affectionately, making her laugh with the stupid things he's guaranteed to do. How could I stand there and pretend like everything is okay when Im surrounded by so much pain and heart break? Its just something that I'm going to have to force myself to do. Im going to have to sit with them and smile, and laugh and bare all of this torture.
What kind of life is that? How many days until I don't feel the hurt anymore? Weeks, months, years, even? Am I going to be an old woman, watching Natsu sit in a chair, holding Lisanna's hand, smiling up at their full grown children? When will I be able to look at him, and not feel overwhelming desire and love?
I wont. I knew the moment I saw Lisanna's lips on Natsu's, that this kind of pain isn't something I'm going to get over any time soon. There is only one thing to do.

***
"There, I think Im all packed," I muttered to myself, as I examined the last suit case. I pushed the clothes together and clasped the case shut and walked it into the living room with the rest of my belongings. Packing all this stuff really was a headache, but with time and patience I got everything I needed. I told the landowner of the place he could have or sell whatever I left behind.
I thought about all the memories this place gave me. Natsu, Happy, Gray, and Erza breaking in constantly, though mostly Natsu. Staying up until all hours of the night writing letter after letter to my mom, telling her all the crazy adventures I had been on, or sometimes just simple fun times at Fairy Tail. Watching Juvia drool all over Gray from afar, seeing Erza scare the hell out of everyone, and yet still looking beautiful and god-like. Even when I began to notice Happy's little crush. Every memory seemed so precious now. So irreplaceable.
I wiped a tear from my face. This is no time to cry. I need to put on a brave face and say goodbye to the master before I leave. I owe him that much, for allowing me to be apart of his wonderful, magical guild. Plus, If I waited to long, Natsu, Lisanna, and Happy might return.
I decided not to lug all of my stuff to the guild, as I would just pass my house once again when I left town, so I left it at my home. Or, what used to be my home.
The walk was lonely, but I cherished it. So many times I took this walk for granted at the beginning and end of my days. I smiled at the men on the boats as they warned me about walking on the edge of the walkway. I looked at the water way, and even in the dim light of the setting sun it looked pretty and blue.
The guild was as lively as ever. I stood outside of it and just admired the wonder of it all. With a deep breath I opened the door and entered the guild. As I made my way to the Master's office, I casually watched everyone. Mira was at the bar as normal, serving drinks and smiling to everyone so easily. If she ever had a problem in her life, you would never know it. I saw Cana drinking down another barrel and the sight of her made me breathe a small laugh. Gray was naked as always, and Juvia was having a frantic nose bleed. Wendy laughed at Charle and Lily as they bickered over a type of fish that I missed the name of.
I'm going to miss you all so much.
I knocked on the Master's door and listened for the muffled 'yes' before entering.
"Lucy! Hello, this is quite the surprise." He sat on his large office chair and grinned at me. "What brings you here, child?"
"Well, Master…" I looked away from him and rubbed my arm. "I'm leaving Fairy Tail." I had never really said the words out loud. They sounded so foreign, so wrong. I felt horrible and pathetic just saying it.
There was a moment of silence, and I finally met the Master's gaze. His face was hard as stone, and it gave me chills on the back of my neck. I could see his lips getting ready to speak when the door flew open and slammed against the wall. Both the Master and I jumped and turned to see an angry Natsu, with his hands ablaze with fire. I had only seen him like this when he was fighting an enemy. My heart raced and it took everything I had not to crawl under the Master's desk and cower with fear.
"Natsu, what the hell is the meaning of this?" The Master was standing on top of the desk, his fists raised as well, but not lit with flames.
Natsu didn't even acknowledge the Master. His horrific eyes were stuck on me. "I went to your house, and everything was packed at the door. Your renter guy said you were leaving town tonight! What the hell is going on Lucy!?" Natsu was screaming, and though the door I could see many eyes trying to get a clear view of the office. The guild was silent.
"I'm leaving the guild." I attempted to look as fearsome as he did. And I might have, if my voice didn't sound so pathetic.
"Are you out of your goddamn mind?" Natsu has never cursed at me. I could feel tears welding up in my eyes.
The Master cleared his throat. "I'm going to give you a moment alone." He jumped down from his desk. I was just about to object when he shook his head. "I don't want to hear it. If you can get through Natsu, then you may leave in silence, and without consequence." The door slammed behind him, and I could hear him yell at the rest of Fairy Tail to scatter and mind their own business.
"How could you just leave?" Natsu yelled. "You always said how much you loved it here. You can't just abandon the guild!"
I just looked away from him, attempting to hide my shame. "I can't be here anymore. I don't want to."
"Thats bullshit!" There he goes again, cursing. "He moved closer to me, and I ran into a chair trying to retreat. "Why are you doing this!"
"Why the hell does it matter to you!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Im done trying to leave quietly. "You don't care about me! You have Lisanna!" His eyes widened, and his fearsome face turned to one stunned. His flaming fist burned out. "What?! I know all about you two! And I don't care one bit, I'm over all of this! I'm leaving, and I am never going to look back! All I will remember is horrid and heart break!" I was yelling through my tears now. "I loved you, dammit! I did! Hell, I still do!" My voice was breaking, and I grabbed the back of the chair for support. "I have to leave, Natsu." I weeped in silence as he just stared at me.
"You're an idiot, Luce." Natsu jumped to me and held my face in his hands. He was no longer wearing the dumfounded look. It changed into a soft smile. Then he kissed me.
I felt like I was on a cloud, or maybe space, where the laws of gravity don't apply. My head was spinning; this felt so unreal. Did Natsu really hit me, and made be pass out and I've fallen into a dream? If so, I'll never wake.
The kiss lasted a minute or so. When he broke, he was grinning stupidly. He looked down at me and took in the whole thing. I, however, wash't grinning.
What the hell just happened? He kissed me? I would be jumping for joy had he not been kissing Lisanna the last time I saw him. "What are you going? What about Lis-"
"There is no Lisanna." He moved his hands from my face and placed them around my waist. "I told her I didn't feel anything for her. I told her I loved you." My face flushed, and I would have moved away had it not been for him holding onto me. "I do, Luce. I love you." He leaned down and kissed me again, but more sweetly this time, not so rushed.
The door flew open and the Master gawked. Natsu gave a hefty laugh and I blushed even harder. "So, I take it your staying, Lucy?"